just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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