im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
