A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
bring money and cleavage
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
