ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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