Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
