I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
