dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
