Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
