she woke up with a sticky ear
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
