Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
The best revenge is premature balding
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
