I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
