Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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