1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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