**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
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