you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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