i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
