I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
