During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
