Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
