Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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