Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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