So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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