my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I wish you could order shots online.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
