so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
