you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
