i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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