Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize