just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
