....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
