Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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