I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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