My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
