You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Reggie can tackle my bush.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
