I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I booty called her while she was in labor.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
