You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
