Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
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