Even the bartender felt bad for me
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
