i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
