I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I look better un-naked...
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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