It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize