I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
