I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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