this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
