Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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