I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
