So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
