he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
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