i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
