So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize