you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
