I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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