im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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