i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
