she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
