i just had sex bonerless
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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