Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
