its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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