dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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