Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
