I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
it glows. i had to have it.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize