I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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