dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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