Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
