I didn't shave. On purpose
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
