is your mom at the bar?
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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