I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
