i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
